An open letter to depression.
I wish I cancelled out first meeting… or handled it better !
I wish I never met you!
I remember when I first met you! I thought you were a moment and I welcomed you in! Not knowing I was welcoming myself into my own prison!
It’s ironical that you never left since then, yet I try to chase you away day by day!
Yes, you make me cry!
Yes, you make me sad!
You drive me insane!
Do you know what’s worse?
You being here; and the fact that I can’t talk about you! You carry a stigma, some won’t even understand who you are let alone recognize you! I hate that it’s the toughest job in the world to talk about you!
How can I say someone shouting triggers me?
How I explain that new people trigger me?
How do I explain being alone is the best for me?
All those missed calls, how do I explain why I wasn’t picking?
You tell me what’s the explanation I can give for cancelling all the plans with my friends just to stay home do nothing and cry?
Day by day I loose friends, they ask why am I holding back? But what can I say?
“How about am not okay and I’ll be fine ” you suggest.
Then you go mute when the question comes ‘why are you not okay?’
“What’s going on?”
How do I answer those?
Do you know what I do?
I switch off my phone and cry myself to sleep.
People call me attention seeking or arrogant because I leave them high and dry or even suggest it’s just in my head.
Little do they know; that I don’t know what to say!
I can’t bring myself to open up; am not ready ,
Am not ready to hear all those lame answers and those clueless looks people have when you try to explain.
I don’t want to be the crazy girl…
I hate you.. and I promise you I’ll put you back in your place,
I am worthy of love,
I am worthy of attention,
I am worthy of peace,
I am worthy of being surrounded by loved ones,
I am worthy of true happiness,
I’ll make you pack and leave and I’ll be fine .. and not just me but I’ll help others too ????.
If you or someone you know is suffering from mental health issues visit bonga.or.ke
Follow me on Instagram @ Wughangar Rose
